Sometimes in life, there are things which create an impact on you. So much so that it changes the way you live, changes your thought process, changes the way you perceive your surroundings. Sometimes in life there are events which shape your life, or deform life to the extent that you’re not the same person any more. Sometimes in life there are people who light the spirit inside you. The spirit not only to live life, but to live life so audaciously, so gallantly and so courageously that hurdles may just be brushed away as an ant on ones palm. Sometimes in life, there are people who just pull you down when you were on that last rung, when you could see the light at the end of the tunnel, when you could see the end of your misery. And these are people who change your life for the worse, however for just a window in between. These are people you should thank, for however much they hurt you, you get out of the hole, alive, and breathing. They make your bones stronger, and though they make life miserable, they make the end worth waiting for.
And sometimes in life, there are things in life which just pass by you. You may be entertained by them, but you’re the least bit affected by it. You are the least bit changed, or moulded by such things, or events. And these times of life are when you live a life which I’d like to refer to as ‘The Boat’. You just float through life, you are not overtly affected by it, your happiness and sorrow fall between two very discrete close, possibly overlapping bounds. These are times when nothing in life bothers you, nothing in life seems to have a change on you. Things refuse worrying you. Events refuse worrying you. This state of mind is what almost everyone wants in life. Everyone wants enough money, so money is never a problem. Enough power, so authority is never a power. Enough health, so health is never a problem. Quite surprisingly it’s not the case with happiness.
This is when I relate to my life. Marks, studies, people, money- they just come and go. There are events in life which might affect you so much, hurt you, or pull you from down under that you’re never the same again. And you could become the person that you always wanted to become. Cold down under, unaffected by anything else, reaching the state of bliss that gives you the vaccine against everything. Gives you the kind of force shield you always wanted against unwanted feelings, unwanted desires, unwanted needs. And that is what I became, two months before.
Living in the sea of life, rowing slowly, just sunbathing myself through my life. And this is the kind of person I had always probably wanted to become. The kind of person who doesn’t care about anything else, where things in life just find him invisible. Invisibility, inconspicuousness, randomness. My thought process did not last more than 2 minutes. Instinct controlled life. It was the world of chaotic balance. A sea of chaos channelled such that a response for all possible situations were just pre-programmed. Each answer was the simplest it could get. Outcomes, after-effects never mattered. Things always fell in place, either magically, or because the power of instinct is further than a human mind could explain.
This is a state of mind which suits most people, but me. I need my ups, my downs. I need to know that I’m living life. I need to be hit with a wooden plank, and woken up from my slumber. I need to experience the highs, the lows. Love needs to touch me, hate preferably not. I need to fall into an infinitely deep well, only to realise that I come out from the other end of the world. I need to reach the sun, and then fall of from there. It’s this burning desire to live an active life, even if failure comes by, that kept me alive, and I failed to realise that. It’s the complete presence of chaos, multiple feelings, multiple thoughts, multiple sights, that makes me perform the complex dance of life. Life is so intricate, that the moment events stop affecting you, you live for nothing, and nothing is worth living for. That’s the moment I wanted the most, but hated the most when I was through it. It’s that moment that you pay the most for, but you realise it’s value only when you posses it. I needed to dance, I needed to sing, I needed to shout, and then sleep only because I was tired.
And it was then, that I was waiting to be pulled out of the black hole, sooner or later.
It was then I was pulled out of it. It was a complex web of people, events and desires that just shot me out of there. Sometimes there are just things in life that define a person, knowingly or unknowingly. These are things that we need to preserve the most, and live along treasuring the chaos. And I thank you for showing my way out.
So what is your take on it? Live it differently, or live it with a difference?